Me, God, and a goldfish (my testimony, the beginning)

people wonder sometimes why i believe in God. i've always believed in God. but during my teens and early 20s, i kinda got a little stupid... ok, more than a little stupid. i was pretty skanky, in fact. anyway, i thought i'd share the beginning of what led me back to my faith.

i'd grown up in a christian home. i'd accepted Christ as my savior at the age of 7, and never doubted His existence. but during my late teens i started running from God, and kept running for about ten years. at some point during that decade, i felt like God had probably turned me over to my reprobate mind, and if He hadn't, He should have.... i can't say i didn't believe He existed, but i guess i could say i didn't believe that I existed as far as He was concerned. and then one day, He proved He still loved me... enough to hear even my most trivial request...

when i was little, i would always beg my dad for a pony. i wanted a pony so bad, but what little girl doesn't? of course, dad's standard answer was that i wasn't old enough to be responsible for a pet, but that someday when i was, he'd buy me a goldfish.

someday never came. guess even after growing up and having two kids, i still wasn't responsible enough to have a fish LOL. actually, i guess dad forgot. anyway, i'd told a friend that once, and one day my friend surprised me with a goldfish, complete with a little bowl and rocks and plastic plants.

but that goldfish didn't come with instructions. the water in that bowl got so murky i couldn't see the fish, so i figured i'd set out some water to change it with, and i did. i filled a metal pan with water and set it out overnight. next morning, bright and early, i got up and put the fish into the pan while i washed out the bowl and the rocks with dishwashing liquid. then i put the new water and the fish back in the bowl.

it didn't take more than a few minutes before that goldfish was making nosedives to the bottom. i swear you could see him gasping for breath! my kids were panicking asking what was wrong with him. i called the friend who'd bought me the fish and asked him what to do.... he asked what i'd set the water out in... i told him... he said NO!!! you're not supposed to aerate the water in a metal pan, because the metal contaminates the water! then he asked me what i'd rinsed the rocks with... dishwashing liquid? NO!!!! should have rinsed them with fresh water! then he asked if i'd put any of the chemicals in the bowl... chemicals? what chemicals? water treatment chemicals? what are those?

my friend told me it was too late, there was no saving that little fish. my kids were pretty young back then, and when they heard that, they really went into tantrums. so i put them into the car and rushed up to petsmart. hahahaha, hurry up and wait, it was an hour before the store opened. so i stood with the kids outside the door hoping someone would take pity and open up early. they didn't.

when the store finally opened, i was in tears as i explained to the employee the situation. he looked pretty dubious... he said lady, by now that fish is dead. but here, buy these just in case (two little bottles of water treatment). if it's too late, you can always bring them back for a refund.

so i went home... the fish was upside down at the bottom of the bowl, but about every thirty seconds it's little mouth would gape open and it's gills would open... he was barely alive. ok, it's worth a shot.

the bottles said use one drop per gallon of water. there was no dropper, and the bowl was probably only a quart! what the heck, i just dumped in a little of each. probably enough chemicals for a fifty gallon tank, but what choice did i have?

we watched, we waited, nothing changed. the kids were in hysterics, i was in hysterics, so finally i grabbed them both by the hands and drug them into the living room. what are we doing mommy? we're gonna pray!

we got on our knees in front of the couch, and i prayed out loud. God, if you're listening, heal that goldfish. show these little girls that you're REAL!

and silently to myself, i added.... show ME you're real....

i knew God was real, i'd always known. but i had wandered so far away from Him that i didn't think He cared at all about me anymore, much less a stupid goldfish.

we sat on the floor for about five minutes. finally i got up and we went back to the kitchen, resigned to see the fish finally dead.

and what we saw was that little gold fish swimming around like nothing had ever happened.

maybe some folks would say it was the overdose of water treatments that saved that fish. but i know better.